Disclaimer: I am emerging from a sea of writers block, a pretty stress filled January, and many half written posts. Here is one that had been in the drafts for about three weeks that I thought wasn’t good enough to be seen. Here’s to sharing it anyway….
Liz Gilbert’s Letters from love found their way to me through the interwebs. As soon as I heard about them, I felt a pressing “yes”. Go check out her Substack, but in short, she poses a daily question: “Dear Love, what do you have for me today?”—and writes back to herself as Unconditional Love, itself—sounds kind of out there but also kind of beautiful.
As someone who grew up deep in the throws of Christianity and has in recent years taken several steps back to gather some perspective and call into question what I believe and why, I subsequently lost a lot of the beliefs that I thought were ultimate truth. So, connecting to something divine again felt daunting and unapproachable— like being dropped in the middle of the ocean in search of truth with no life raft…impossible. But, I also can’t seem to believe there wasn’t something bigger than me, that there wasn’t meaning, or a divine and a loving something that connects us all.
I just don’t know how to find my way back to believing.
So, instead of searching for “the way”, searching for the love ( that I do believe in), feels much more authentic and honest. So, the letters resonated and I decided to give them a try.
Dear Love, what do you have for me today?
Keeley,
I know it feels scary to reach out to me but I’m so glad you are here. I am not here to give you “shoulds” or to convict you. I just want you to know that you are enough, as you are.
I want you to know that your caring is never in vain. You were never meant to love small.
My love lives in you and it is as vast as the sea. I know how you love the water. It’s because you see me there… You recognize me in the waves and endlessness…You see the sky and the trees and you notice the beauty in every little thing. Your connection to the abundance of my love, even when you don’t know where or who it comes from, lets you know it is possible—it guides you in your own connections— I see myself in you as you pour out all of your caring, showering your people with unlimited affection and presence. You know big love because you know me.
You know how to love because you are knit together with me.
Don’t let them convince you that you are separated—that you can’t love purely without them. You could never be separate from me. I have known you in all the places you’ve been. I have loved you when you couldn’t. There is no rule book that you need to abide by in order to earn my love. It is ever-present, unchanging, and immense. Their way is not the only way. How could it be? I am boundless, untethered, and everywhere. I do not withhold myself. Every soul is invited and adored.
You have chased me like a dog chasing their own tail, believing that I was there but somehow unreachable. I was always with you, I was in you. You never needed permission to be with me. You never had to wonder. I watched you dance about, aiming love in every direction, hoping some would come back to you. I watched you continue to believe in it deep down, even when it didn’t.
So, do you really think that you can love too much—that it could break you? That that could be your fatal flaw? Never, my girl. Do you think that I would leave you because you don’t know how to believe what you used to? Not in a million lifetimes. You believe in love so you believe in me. I will never leave you. I have always been with you. I have always loved you. And you never had to shapeshift for it.
Always,
Love
Writing that felt awkward and cathartic at the same time. The idea that a bit of divinity lives in me feels presumptuous and wild but also maybe somehow possible.
I think I will keep writing letters this year to see what love has to tell me…to see what I believe at the end of it all.
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